The good and the bad

I spent some time today hanging out with Katrina, a friend and an ME teammate. We had Coldstone Creamery Ice Cream and went for a nice walk around the quad. We then drove up the 280 to Millbrae, then back down the 101. Haven't talked to her for a while, and we talked about our lives, our family and the problems we faced in life. We also talked about Paris and why it's an romantic city. I've been wondering lately why women think that Paris is the most romantic city in the world. I need to go see Paris someday, because I think that being a hopeless romantic myself, I need to see this. It's amazing how easy it is to talk to friends and how they make our lives more interesting, give us a different perspective, as well as be there for us.

After I got back, I called another friend of mine. This one affected me badly instead. It was awkward, I didn't know what to say, and she wouldn't even really talk to me. "How are you?" is always followed by a "Good." Then silence. Don't get me wrong, I love her very much. But because of the history we had, it has since then always been difficult to talk and awkward to hang out. I often wish I could change the past, that I would have been more mature about my decisions and actions. But I can't. I have to live with the consequences instead. I've tried very hard to undo the consequences now. Or at least everything I know. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with it. I don't think she cares, because I'm just another guy she met along the way. In some way, I know that once I leave, I'm just a passing shadow.

The question now is, is what I'm feeling and doing worth it? Should I just turn away and move on with life? Forget what happened, give it up and leave? I may be leaving the country, but that doesn't mean I forget the people here. I want to remember the people who have made impressions on my life. I can do everything I can, but it's probably not going to be worth jack to her. I don't know whether it's worth it. I ask my heart and it sometimes tells me to move on. Other times, I know I'm not a person to just get up and leave.

Maybe I'll just wrap things up before I leave, and let life take its path with us. I'll remember her, try to keep in touch. But if it's going to be one-sided, I suppose my busy lifestyle back home as well as the 9000 miles between us might just help me with getting through this. The world is a funny place. Sometimes, the less you try, the more you might actually succeed. Hmmmm.