Farewell to everyone

Yes, it has come to this. Farewell. It's 4 in the morning of the day I'm leaving the States. I'm due to fly at 1.10pm today. My farewells are said and all done. All my loose ends are tied up and my bags are packed. I'm all ready to leave. Really? I think so. Or maybe not.

I bid my best friend here, David farewell tonight. 3 great years of the best friendships anyone can have. Through the good times, and the bad, through happiness and sorrow. It's hard, just taking the last long hug, and then turning away so that I don't have to see him walk away. No longer can I drive over to talk to him when I'm bored, or sad. No longer can I call him to go hang out or watch a movie together. At least not for a few years. What happens after that, I don't know. We've been through so much together, and now, it's a memory that will just stay with me and hopefully never fades. I want to cry, but instead of tears, I smile. I smile for all the times I had spent with him, and that it's always been great. I don't think I can cry, because just thinking back only brings back wonderful memories. Leaving will only be for a short while. It's not forever. I'll save my tears for more permanent departures.

I said bye to some of my brothers living in Lantana. The times spent together in the fraternity were fabulous times. The joking, laughing, video games, partying, girls, water gun fights, and more, provided me with more entertainment and fun I ever thought possible. Once brothers, always brothers. And I will proudly call Phi Psis my brothers, as they have shaped my life and given me a place I can call my home always.

As I walked back from Lantana, I realised that this is the last night I have in the States. With this realization, the cool air that I've always taken for granted hits me. The ground I walk on becomes special, the stars burn more brightly and I turn around to look at Meyer Library in the distance. With no cars on the street, I walk to the center of the intersection, turning round and taking in the night scene. I love Stanford. Beautiful in the day, more so at night. However, I understood that all these will be here when I get back, and the people may not be. People, my friends, my brothers, made Stanford what it is to me, not just the buildings. The surroundings are amazing, and I'll miss the great weather, the cloudless skies, the rolling hills. I want all that, and I will come back to get it.

Chengos called me before I got home, and I walked back to Lantana. Poor kid, she's so sad to see me leave. She's an amazing girl, with so much energy and affection for the people around her. She has more energy that I can ever imagine and that's great. We talked for a while, about what has happened throughout the year. Can't imagine that we only really met up this year, in Swingtime, and before that in Singapore. She'll be passing by Singapore again later in July and we'll go dancing at Jitterbugs. She asked me what I was thinking about leaving and I told her that I'm not thinking about it. It's too painful to think and I'm happy I'm so tired that I'm not really feeling anything. I'm not sleeping tonight so that I can sleep on the plane and reverse my jetlag. Chengos may be really annoying sometimes (I know you'll read this!), but she has a heart of gold and that's what counts. She wrote me a really nice letter that was overdue from the Swingtime sharing writeup. It's nice to get nice letters from people, to tell you that you mean a lot to them. =)

As much as I say that I'll see people again, I know that I may never see some people again in my life. Life takes all of us in different directions and sometimes, we collide again, and re-establish ties. But often, it takes us to different ends of the world, and we do different things, or timing is not right and we never meet up face to face again. I'm afraid to go there, to think of that. To imagine that the person I just saw, or spent all this time with will not appear in front of me ever again. That's a frightening thought. I'm just going to leave this to when I'm back home and when I'm going to have a horrible temper because I'm home and not here. Thinking now isn't going to help, and thinking later is better. Hmmm.

I don't want to leave. I can so imagine living here, working here and making this home. My best friends are here, the people I trust are here. I really don't have too many friends I care about back home, just the handful whom I'll die to keep in touch with. Other than that, the rest of my schoolmates from high school weren't really my type of people. I know that's unfair to them, and I'm sure I can build new strong friendships. But it's up in the air and I can't see that happening too easily yet. It'll be a challenge. And if you know me well enough, challenges are what I live for.

This would probably be the last entry I'm making from the States. My next entry would most probably be done in Singapore. I'm going to play some Warcraft now, watch the sunrise in the States for the last time, shower, pack and wait for Dave to pick me up. I watch to drive around the Oval one last time before I leave.

All you people out there reading this, come visit me. Take care of yourself and I will take care of myself. I'll see all of you soon. Write me sometime. I'll miss all of you. I will be back. Do not doubt that. I will be back.