So what's up!!

So what's up with life? That's going to be a really long answer for that question. Well, since I'm sitting in my room, listening to "At the Beginning" at around 11.14pm, not wanting to go to sleep, I might as well do some writing that I haven't been doing for forever.

Work
Work sucks in a way. I hate getting screamed at by my Madam. She's stressed out, I give her that, and the work load on her is pretty crazy. But it's no excuse blowing up at your own workers who are trying their best to help you. Well, I'm pretty much immune to the shouting lately. And I've taken to praying for her and the office whenever she goes on a tantrum. It helps walking into the office, doing a prayer for the day, just to start the day out right, and asking God to help us. I've been more cheerful, even when my co-workers are feeling down.

There's a great Christian brother with me at work. Joseph, this spunky 19 year old who's like a little brother to me, talks with me about Christ. We can spend our entire lunch talking about our experiences, what we learnt in church, what we got through the last few days etc. It's great to have someone always there to encourage you, to talk with you, and for you to share in Christ. I think that he's probably one of the best things that have happened since entering this branch. Pray that we will continue encouraging each other in our faiths, through thick and thin, through the stressful times at work, giving praise to God and being grateful for where we are.

Scholarship & Future Work

I just ended some interviews with the Ministry of Trade and Industry, as well as my main scholarship board. I got into the Management Associates Program, which is quite cool. It'll be lots and lots of work, with the government trying to "groom" us into exemplary civil servants. =P Well, at least I have the option of taking a "Gap Year", a year to work anywhere in the world. Currently, I'm just trying to find a job back in Silicon Valley, with a VC firm. Cross my fingers and hope turn out right.

The interviews are going okay, not too bad. Just going through the process, and seeing which Ministry wants me to work for them. I'm not stressing too much about it. Probably will be much the same wherever I work. It's just work.

Frisbee

Well, frisbee is going pretty well. The Singapore Opens went okay, although I never got to play on the main lineup, but on a "side matchup". Well, I haven't trained with the team much before the opens, so I suppose that's the only fair thing to let the others who trained more play. There's also many more years of frisbee coming up.

Now, we're training layout drills. Which means a dive to get the disc. It hurts to land smack on the ground. Even worse if you get scared, and try to brace yourself, because you end up landing on your knee instead of your chest, and it hurts even more. Layouts just remind me of "JUST GO ALL OUT and DON'T CARE!" It's basically that. The more you don't care about the consequence, the better the layout is.

Life

Life is quite a jumble sometimes. I am trying very hard to keep God in my life, doing prayers everyday, on my MRT trips, walking to work etc. But even then, I'm often too "preoccupied" to hear Him talk to me. It's a constant struggle to serve Him, and do the right thing, because I'm just so used to doing everything my way. It's a push and pull everyday. I want to do this, but I know that God will not approve, so I should be doing that, but I don't really want to do that, but I should just do it because God will want me to do that...

Yet, the struggle seems so gratifying. I'm struggling against my old sinful self, accepting God and Christ's righteousness and serving Him. The feeling of doing that is amazing, washing through my body. Prayers take my mind away from the hustle and bustle of life, calming me and focusing me on what's truly important in life. Sometimes, I ask myself would I ever turn back to what I was. I look back, and then shake my head furiously. No way I'm heading back that way. Not when I've seen the light.

It's actually really nice that I'm just serving NS, and not doing real work. Coz I have a lot more time to read the Bible, pray and just shut myself off from thinking about other stuff. My favourite pastime is now getting a cup of hot chocolate at Starbucks, sitting in one of their comfortable sofas, and opening my Bible to read. Or another Christian book, etc. I can't even being to describe how much calm this has brought into my life. I'm no longer over-anxious about things, over-competitive about things. Well, I am still anxious, still competitive, but I know there's a much larger thing out there (God) and it puts things into perspective.

On the relationship side, I've been liking this girl for around 2-3 months now. I've known her for around a year, and she's the sweetest thing. Although we know each other, we have never spent one-on-one time together, nor have too much more than a general friendship. That's coz we see each other along with a whole bunch of other people once a week or so. I stand by to observe her, the way she talks to other, the way she serves others. People in the group comment that she's extremely sweet and caring too. From all these, I've started to see how good a girl she is. Best of all, she's Christian, and she serves in the Worship Ministry of her church.

I want to get to know her much better, on a one-on-one basis. Coz in a group, it's really difficult to talk beyond a general level. But it's easy to mislead someone without the commitment to go with it. So, that's why I've waited for 2-3 months, to make sure that I'm definitely going to take this commitment, before showing her the idea. If she's okay with it, we can see other. If she's not, then I will just back off. For me, I really want God to be part of any relationship I'm in. And it takes commitment on both sides before we even start the "deeper getting to know you" thing. I've been flightly for most of my life, but since probably January this year, things have been settling down for me. I pray that God will give me the guidance for this, that He will be overlooking this and guiding me along.

Well, that's the gist of my life at the moment. Wish I could have my US friends here in Singapore with me. Miss all of you out there!