Verbal Diarrhoea

This is going to a post of verbal diarrhoea. I really don't have a fixed format about what I'm going to say, and I'm too emotionally, physically and whatever the heck drained to arrange my thoughts into coherent sentences. Somehow, I figured that just letting my fingers do the typing will be kinda relaxing, so here goes nothing.

So, I've been pretty swamped with life at the moment. What? Swamped with life? How does that happen? Well, it's like being overwhelmed with lots of things, either real and supposed, mental or physical. Frisbee is taking up most of my time, training 3 times a week, getting ready for the Singapore Ultimate Opens in September. Of the 3 trainings, I only kinda truly enjoy one of them, the Saturday training. It's the least stressful, I feel most relaxed among the people, and I don't feel like I'm being judged on my performance all the time. It's also the team that I'm co-captaining, and teaching whatever I know to the people who are still quite new to the game. Somehow, although captaining is stressful, as I've gotta make sure I know what the heck I'm talking about, lead the whole training, be on my toes, the team's really nice, and they are mostly good friends. I love playing with this team because of the warm fuzzy feeling when I play with them.

Now, the other team I play with, I'm extremely stressed out everytime I train with them. I'm basically at the bottom of the pecking order, and I know that I'll get chewed out for doing something wrong, and I have to be at the top of my game at all times. It's stressful to have to go all out for something all the time. And while most of the team is friendly to me, many of them are veterans, and there's extremely high expectations out there, of everyone, and somehow, especially of me. Coupled with a few people who aren't really friendly and extremely brash, disrespectful of "outsiders" (I'm one, coz I'm not actually part of their team, just playing for them this Opens to gain more experience), I go into each training as if I'm bracing for impact. It sucks really. Sometimes, there is no "acceptance", and I don't feel part of the group at all. The good thing is that I do know a few of them, and I try to talk and interact with them more. My "mentor friend" is really nice, and has kinda my character, so we get good interactions. Other thing is that I chose this path. I know that I'm an extremely proud person, that when I get good at something, it can get into my head. That's one reason why I try to take up something new every few years, because it keeps me humble, knowing that I have to be humble to ask questions, learn from others, and not assume I know everything. Once pride gets into your head, it's hard to get it out. So I keep doing this to remind myself that humility is extremely important.

I'm also just really in this team to get better fast, so that I can bring back knowledge for my other team to learn. There's just such a huge knowledge and experience gap in my team that we need to shore up and learn. I feel like I'm doing an "exchange program" so that I can bring back valuable experience to serve my current team, which I don't mind doing, because my team really needs it, and I want to see my team play well. Well, I just have to put things into perspective and let God take hold of it, and bring me through this last month leading up to the Opens.

Daily prayers have been sustaining me for the past months. Just doing quiet time, and trying to trust in God has been one of the main reasons I'm still sane and holding myself together. The other reasons are the friends that God brings to me, to share my pains and stresses. Relationships with other people are so important in our lives, and how much you care and respect others will in turn be how much care and respect others will give you. I'm an over-thinker, which often makes me more stressed out than I should be, and somehow, I need to stop all the over-thinking and just trust that God has it is His hands, and let it be.

Other things to come slightly later, a post on some of my conversations with friends who are asking questions about Christianity, a post about evangelism, and maybe another rambling post.